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©2018 by Homespun.

Grief


Abandoned vehicle at Searchlight, Nevada...a ghost town south of Las Vegas.

"Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom." {Rumi}


I wept yesterday while sitting on the floor folding the monstrous mountain of laundry that accumulated in the aftermath of Caroline's surgery, acute recovery phase, and over the busyness of Christmas this week. I chose to let the grief that had built up over the last few weeks spill over and out. I knew the tears were coming, and I welcomed the moment when something cracked my heart open, and those first sobs started. I used to avoid grief, not wanting to feel the tenderness of loss or the claws of sorrow and pain. Instead, I pushed it down, deep inside, so I would not have to confront it...until it ruptured out of me like a volcano. That would force me to deal with my feelings when I was completely overwhelmed and engulfed by them. Definitely not ideal or healthy. Now I sense grief peeking in the window and I wait, knowing when it knocks I will open the door wide and welcome grief in. Grief is not a robber wanting to steal your happiness and well-being. Grief is a saint, patiently reminding you of the beauty and sacred poignancy of being human. When you open to the holiness of grief, rather than trying to keep the protective armor around your heart intact, you will be washed clean in the salty waters of grief’s grace.​​​​​​​


XO

Stephanie